children processing death

Last week I published a letter from Nathan Jernigan, a licensed psychotherapist who attends our sending congregation in Murfreesboro, Tennessee.  In it Nathan offered advice as to how we ought to help our children through trauma and tragedy; this was written in response to the Sandy Hook shootings.

I mentioned in that post I’d like to share some of my thoughts on children dealing with death.  So today I am.

Here is the letter I wrote Nathan in response to his advice (I’ve bolded a few thoughts):

Nathan, this is Brett Harrison writing from Geita, Tanzania.  I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you having written this for everyone at Stones River (and even their missionaries abroad).  While the shootings in Newtown aren’t something about which we’ve heard a great deal — and while the oldest of our children is only three — your words are very much appreciated.  

Our daughters regularly are witness to sickness, sadness, and tragedy here in Geita; and navigating these situations is difficult for me at times.

helping our children through trauma

The tragedy in Connecticut is not something that made headlines here in Tanzania.  We didn’t hear about it on the radio or see it on our televisions.  I’m sure it’s all over internet news sites which we do see here (I scan the world news every couple of days — but generally once I’ve read a report on a particular subject, I rarely return to read more on that subject*).  So we’ve not read a great deal about the shootings in Newtown.

[Don't worry, though.  This is not going to be one of those posts in which an expat living abroad points fingers at all the Americans who are upset about a handful of people dying in the land of plenty -- while thousands die every day at the hands of malaria and corrupt regimes where we are.]

What I am getting at is that while I’ve not read a great deal about the shootings themselves, I have read massive numbers of bloggers on the subject.  Many were quite political, making the tragedy which occurred seem as a stepping off point for the anti- and pro- gun agendas, a springboard for discussions on the involuntary commitment of the mentally ill, and a grounds on which to base arguments for or against Calvinism (or Christianity in general).  [I am not against these discussions -- I rather enjoy them, actually.  But I'm not sure it seems the time (the place, yes, but perhaps not the time).]

I do want to offer you, though, two written pieces that came out of the Sandy Hook tragedy.  Neither is an attempt at politicizing what happened and both are hugely practical.

brett’s morning blend (19dec12)

A few days ago I asked Baylor for a good morning hug.  She slowly backed away and responded, “But… you see… I’m really so pretty.  And pretty people don’t give hugs.  [Long pause.]  You know… I only give kisses to everybody.”

She then leaned in and gave me a kiss… without a hug.

Where does my daughter learn these things?!  Does Dora teach that the attractive among us don’t embrace?  “Yo soy hermosa. No hay un abrazo para ti, Boots!”

And since when is giving kisses to EVERYBODY an action that can be qualified with the word only?

Your links:

a very bieber vbs

Now, I don’t keep up with church VBS materials and their markets.  As a matter of fact, I didn’t realize until recently (two days ago) that VBS curriculum is big business.*  Apparently, it’s very big business.  Let me tell you…”vast amounts of money can be made in the service of God Amighty.”**

It was Paul Wilkinson, on his blog (a good one, by the way, to which I’m subscribed), who informed me the sale of VBS materials is indeed big business.  I also learned from Paul that a lot of companies are creating these materials really heavy on entertainment and really light on Bible.  While I suppose this is a concern to me, it’s not why I’m writing this blog post.  Something MUCH more important is taking place.

an ounce of mother worth a pound of clergy

This is a repost from 2010.

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My mother has been the greatest picture of selflessness and sacrifice in my life.  Sometimes people think being a missionary in Africa involves a lot of sacrifice –but I’ve got nothing on my mom.  From the time I was 13, she raised three of us on her own, while working full-time and going back to school.  Mom graduated from college with degrees in business administration and accounting the same year I graduated high school.  And she did so with a 4.0.

But more than that, my mother raised us to have faith in Jesus Christ, and to be committed fully to him.  As the Spanish proverb says,

An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy.

Mom, I hope you have a very special day today.  I’m sorry I can’t be there to celebrate it with you.  Thank you for all you’ve done to bring me into the faith in which I now rest — and for teaching me how to sacrifice myself for others.  I love you.

A lot of people have said a lot of nice things about mothers.  Below are some of my favorites:

walking helmets

Some parents make their kids wear helmets while learning to walk.  Seriously.

acquitted

I’m a sucker for humor.

I like to think of myself as relatively consistent when it comes to disciplining Baylor, my two-year old.  But if her offense is funny enough, I sometimes can’t keep from grinning — or even laughing.  And if my daughter can make me laugh as she breaks my rules, I feel like she’s somehow earned her own pardon.

brett’s morning blend (16feb12)

Grab your coffee and enjoy the links.

The Importance of Roughhousing With Your Kids

This just in from The Art of Manliness blog: good fathers wrestle with their kids.  It’s really beneficial to their development, guys.  Go on, put your kid in a headlock.

the late arrival of harper mae

Harper Mae has finally arrived.  She was born on February 4, 2012, at 3:30 pm (you Americans are reading the future right now).  6 lbs, 12 oz — 20 1/2 in.  May God be praised!

individualism, selfishness, and discipline in parenting

Should we discipline all our kids when one of them misbehaves?