I’m a lazy person. Kind of. It’s strange. Because sometimes I’m incredibly disciplined and hardworking. I run at least four days a week, between 6 and 14 miles. I work through lunch lots of days. I’m usually up before light, doing a Bible study with a cup of coffee — okay, six cups of coffee. But you get the point. You should know, however, that as I’m writing this very entry, I’m watching an episode of friends that Christie and I JUST finished watching… because it’s too much trouble to change the DVD or use the remote control. [In my defense, our remote control is really jacked up and pretty much requires that you remove the batteries and put them back in at least twice before it will work.]
Top 10 Ways I Know I’m Lazy
10. Cold drinks with ice are one of the few comforts we have that remind me of the states. Yet I take my beverages warm and without the rocks — because I don’t like having to break ice out of its trays. Plus I’m afraid I’ll be the one to empty the tray, and then have to refill it. [So when I occasionally do take ice, I always leave two cubes in the tray. If I just left one, it would be obvious I did it intentionally... but two, that's a different story.]
9. Every evening when I get out of the shower, I carefully select which shirt I’ll put on. Because I know when I get dressed the next day, that “pajama” shirt will magically transform into my “daytime” shirt.
8. I keep my hair and beard the same length, not because I think it necessarily looks nice, but because that way I can use the clippers just once, and without having to change the guard. [Just thought of a funny skit about "the changing of the guard" at Buckingham Palace... if only I knew how to use a video camera.]
7. I eat leftovers straight from the fridge and right out of the tupperware. Two reasons: 1) the microwave takes too long, and 2) there’s an extra dish to wash if I use a plate.
6. This morning I spent 30 minutes trying to wirelessly print across the 18 inches ‘twixt computer and printer, because I wasn’t willing to plug in the USB cord.
5. Sometimes I drive my truck 3/4 mile to the starting point of my run for that day — even though the run itself might be 10 or 12 miles.
4. I like sandwiches, but I never make them. If Christie offers to make me one, I’ll eat it. But making a sandwich requires slicing bread, which in turn requires picking up all the little crumbs from the counter after slicing. So I put a big gob of egg salad on a plate, tear off a piece of bread, dip, and enjoy. It works with peanut butter and jelly, too!
3. I was just about to leave the house today, when I realized I’d left all my “pocket-stuff” (keys, money, knife, chapstick, driver’s license, buzz lightyear secret decoder keychain) in my jeans from the day before. ”That’s a lot of stuff, ” I thought to myself. Then I changed pants.
2. Cleaning Baylor’s pacifier requires filtered water or a pacifier wipe. So I sanitize it by sucking on it for a few seconds, even though we’re pretty sure that’s how I got sick and went to the hospital this time.
1. We have a bathroom in our house that we call the “wetroom,” because it’s got a squatty potty in the floor and is covered completely in tiles. The “wetroom” is my personal shower room of choice, because I can shower and use the restroom at the same time. I know some of you are unimpressed and thinking you can do this in your showers. But you can’t do THIS in your showers….*
*My wife insisted I interject here that she strongly disapproves both of this action and of my posting it in a public forum.