I just read a post by Tim Challies about late mergers, those drivers who zoom past all the patient and law-abiding folk who operate vehicles, only to jump in line at the very last second, much to everyone’s displeasure. Well, it got me thinking, so here you go — an incredibly unimportant post that I found much pleasure in writing. After all, my American friends, you deserve to be warned:
When I lived in the states I didn’t concern myself a great deal about mergers, early or late. I suppose I leaned a little towards the “if everyone merges earlier, we all get where we’re going earlier” camp. Though I didn’t expect all to agree, and wasn’t bothered much by late mergers.
When I lived in China, I saw several added complications as a result of the late merging crowd. These were just a precursor…
I have seen the future —
and it’s not pretty.
These days I’m living and driving in Tanzania, and I have seen the future. I now realize what happens when the number of late mergers grows beyond that which traffic, roads, and mere mortal patience can manage. You would not believe how many vehicles we can fit across the width of a road. There are two and three lanes of late mergers — on two-lane roads. The late mergers have their own passing lanes for use during late merging!
There are traffic accidents that take the better part of a day to clear up, because there are six lanes of traffic on either side of the accident in a standoff. I mean it seriously looks as if two armies are lined up for battle, each refusing to lose ground or retreat. Yesterday I saw William Wallace himself, skirt and all, encouraging the revving of engines while bellowing, “hold… hold…”
Friends, I have seen the future — and it’s not pretty. When the number of late mergers grows in the U.S., when they mate and produce late merging offspring, when they start rallying for others to join their masses, forming facebook groups, and having their own theme days at Six Flags… On that day, you will all wish you had walked, crawled, or stayed home…
OR been the very first late merger of the day — you know, the one that got away with it.