How ’bout that Super Bowl?!? Yeah, I watched it last night. I know, I know… you guys are all watching March Madness these days, and the Super Bowl is so old hat. So we’re a little behind in Tanzania. But it was a great game, right? I guess none of you are going to want to discuss it with me?
This is going to be hard for you to believe, but I truly did not know who was going to win the game. You see, I really don’t care much for the NFL. Except that it were a game of American football and I’m in Tanzania, I probably wouldn’t have even watched it. My interest in professional football ends with the close of the fantasy season, at which time I was crowned champion of my league this year, by the way. Yes, the same guy who didn’t know until last night who won the 2010 Super Bowl, was the champion of his fantasy league. I guess he plays with a bunch of chumps. And just to show you what a bunch of chumps they really are…
I don’t know who won the 2009 Super Bowl. And I might have watched it — I don’t even remember. Yeah, those guys are the hugest of chumps. Can you imagine losing to a loser like me (who greatly prefers the communist game of soccer)?!? Chumps.
So this guy named Chris, who’s working with a Christian relief agency in Mwanza, had a DVD of the big game. And get this — he’s from Canada. Yeah, I watched the Super Bowl with a Canadian guy. I didn’t even know they believed in Super Bowls. I figured they thought of it like they do Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or the Canadian Bone Fairy. [In Canada, hockey players lose teeth so often that the League of Parents decided to toughen up the image of the quarter-hiding pillow-visitor, and save some money in the process. Canadian children now only get money for broken bones. And even that they have to wrestle from their local Bone Fairy* during the night… in the dark… while speaking French.]
Anyway, it turns out that Canadians do believe in the Super Bowl. What they don’t believe in is American commercials… or humor. So I watched the entire Super Bowl with uninspired, unfunny, and uncreative Canadian advertisements, mostly for the same pizza company. Canadian businesses would have done better to have left the American commercials in, while adding subtitles that said, “This humorous American commercial brought to you by (insert name of Canadian business incapable of creativity here).”
Do me a favor, and nobody tell me what’s happening in the NCAA Tournament. I’m planning on watching it in a few months with a Chinese guy and the Chinese Lung Fairy.***
* Some people prefer to call the Canadian Bone Fairy by his alias, national healthcare.**
** I don’t live in the states, and know absolutely nothing at all about the national healthcare stuff going on. But I still tried to make it into a joke…
***Chinese guys, I know from living there, smoke like factories in… well, China.