brett’s morning blend (13apr10)

This sandwich is why I never should have left the states.  The moment I remove myself from within driving distance of a fast food restaurant, KFC invents what might be the best thing since to replace sliced bread.

And this blog post is just one of the reasons I subscribe to NPR’s Wait, Wait… Don’t Blog Me.  On “Sandwich Monday,” seven of Wait, Wait‘s writers and staff ate the sandwich for which I should’ve stayed in the U.S., lived, and then commented on it.

We all get excited about a lesser-celebrated school playing up to the level of the big boys in the NCAA Tourney… and then news like this is made public.  Steroids in baseball, EPO in cycling, cheating in “golf,” and now this.  I’m becoming a fan of bowling, darts, or billiards, where the only performance enhancers are cigarettes and beer.  And those are just to give the “athletes” something to do while they’re standing around.  [Also why so many baseball players dip tobacco — it’s either that or play with the grass in the outfield.]

The Foreign Service Institute has some great material for learning new languages.  And it’s free.  There are hundreds of lessons in over 40 different languages.  I’ve only looked in detail at the Swahili stuff, but if it’s representative of the whole, these are legit.

As you probably already know and have been celebrating now for 13 days, April is National Poetry Month.  I live in Tanzania, and we don’t celebrate poetry; instead April is National Eat Rice at Every Meal Month — wait a minute… didn’t we celebrate that in March… and February… and….  The link above is to, where you will find a list of 30 ways to celebrate poetry.  Some of them are pretty dumb.  And one is a game called “Exquisite Corpse,” which I’m not sure I want to be a part of.

So there’s a group called “The League of Canadian Poets.”  And they’re celebrating National Poetry Month by — hey, who invited them?  The Canadians can get their own month, as far as I’m concerned.  National. That means our country, not our continent.  I haven’t seen an invitation to our “friends” from the north; and it’s rude to come to a party uninvited.  ESPECIALLY when you choose your own theme for the month.  And their theme: Climate Changes.  What?!  That’s ridiculous!  All the beautiful things we could write about and celebrate with poetry, and the Canadians choose climate change?  I’m glad Frost, Whitman, Dickinson, and Silverstein didn’t live to see this day.  They would’ve recklessly sprayed aerosol cans while driving their Hummers and Suburbans at higher than the optimal speed for fuel efficiency.  [For the record, National Poetry Month was adopted in the states in 1996.  Canada adopted April as their celebration of rhyming in 1999.  That’s the national holiday equivalent of plagiarism.  For another blog post on lack of Canadian creativity, go here.]

And a Special Invitation

I’ve not yet asked him, and so, this blog post will be his formal invitation.  But I’m going to invite my younger brother, Brian, to write a poem for my blog in celebration of (the United States’) National Poetry Month.  The rules are that:
  • it can’t be vulgar* (you guys don’t know my brother…).
  • it can’t be written in such a way or about such a topic that will get me in trouble with my mission supporters.
  • it can’t be about climate change.  [Take that, Canadians.]
  • it can’t be sympathetic to the Canadians.  [My brother is definitely a Canadian-Sympathizer, with his rowdy Canadian friends, his love of hockey,* and his phony French accent.]

This will be the first guest post ever on my blog.  I know those of you who have been reading for more than a couple of days are really excited.  The day, should my brother accept my invitation: Sunday, April 18th.

* This is a late edition asterisk, only added after my wife corrected me, saying I shouldn’t               make people believe that my brother is vulgar.  He indeed is not.
** This is another late edition asterisk, added after my brother corrected me, saying he                 prefers the good Canadian sport of curling to hockey.  He did not, however,                         correct me concerning his being vulgar.



Filed under morning blend

6 responses to “brett’s morning blend (13apr10)

  1. Emily Miller

    First of all, those links are hilarious, especially the NPR blog one. Second, I hope you guys are doing well, and Judah was asking about you the other day and told me “one day I want to go to baby Baylor’s house” ( :
    Third, I have an addition (late I know) to the ‘you know you’re a missionary in Africa when…”
    -when your children are flummoxed by a water fountain and try to either wash their hands in it or end up with a wet head b/c they have no idea how to drink out of it.
    We were on RVA’s campus yesterday, I took Judah over to one for a drink, pushed the button and he just looked at me, put his hands in to start washing and said, ‘but i just wanted a drink Mommy’, all confused. Then Ezra wanted a turn but ended up with a wet face and hair. Good times, good times..

  2. James: I could feel my arteries getting their kicks and then closing as I read that ad for the sandwich. Least the grilled wasn’t as bad as the original. But the post about Butler was awesome. Since I live about an hour away from Butler they were all the rage in this part of the country. almost as big as the Colts were. I love the satire. But I love even more that butler graduates kids with good educations. 🙂

  3. Forgot: I absolutely love KFC.

  4. emily, we’re doing great. we love being at home in geita for a while. i don’t think we have to go back to mwanza until may… and you guys are welcome at baby baylor’s house any time. we’re having a special as of late: all visitors get first choice of seating in the living room and unlimited refills on coffee.

    and i really like the water fountain anecdote — though if it weren’t for context, i’d still be flummoxed by the word ‘flummoxed.’

    hope all is well in kenya. and that you are as comfortable as one could hope to be. we’re praying for a safe and easy delivery.

  5. bill, i miss kfc a great deal. you’ll have to eat there for me one day. you can ride there and back in order to counter the calories. i read where one guy suggested they add a hamburger patty to that sandwich and call it “noah’s ark.” that’s pretty funny.

    i thought the butler thing was funny, but couldn’t figure out exactly who wrote it — in order to give them credit.

    and i don’t like satire much. or sarcasm.

  6. I saw that the article came from James McGrath, a professor at the college.

    As for riding to and from KFC: Hmmmm it would take me all of about 2 minutes on my bike. So not sure that would work. I would have to take off after that and catch my 20+ miles just to work off the calories and open my arteries some. 🙂

    Not like satire and sarcasm? I will let that one go. LOL

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