It’s halftime of the World Cup match between Germany and Uruguay. I’m watching the match, but I’m not writing to comment on the game itself (things like how Germany just doesn’t look good, which should give Netherlands greater confidence versus Spain). No, I’m writing to protest there being such a thing as a 3rd place match in the World Cup. I’m generally not one to complain about being able to watch more football on television, but this is just ridiculous.
This is a worldwide tournament in the world’s most popular sport. The World Cup only comes once every four years, and is more popular than the Olympics, the Super Bowl, the World Series, the NBA Playoffs, every Texas Hold’em Tournament ever held, and LOST, all put together. Qualification alone requires more than two years. And we have a 3rd place match?!
What’s next? Participation trophies and pizza parties for every country who played? Maybe we should give 5 or 6 MVP’s each match, so every athlete has a chance to be honored at least once. I hear in 2014 they’re going to ask moms to slice oranges at half-times and host pool parties after the tournament. Maybe we shouldn’t “eliminate” teams, and instead allow them to play in a separate bracket after being beaten — but we couldn’t call it a loser’s bracket. We should call it the once-defeated once-beaten not-yet-won-or-tied-a-match bracket. Yeah, that’s it.
And do you think we could institute a rule in which every player on the roster gets at least 15 minutes of play during each match? It’s not fair that some of these athletes are just sitting on the bench, getting their feelings hurt, after having practiced just as hard as the other guys. And what about all the poor countries not even represented in South Africa — maybe we should start an NIT for world football? Oh, and forget this trading jerseys stuff; line all those guys up on the half-line, and make ’em slap hands in an orderly fashion after every game.
3rd place match… that ought to be for little kids. Get that corn out of my face. I’m turning it off and going to bed.