image courtesy of ecosherpa.com
[This is the first post in a series on famous exchanges in the Bible. There are more to come.]
A: Yes, I’m sure, woman. That’s the one. The tree we’re not allowed to eat from. How many times do I have to tell you?
E: Okay, so you say this is the one. But do you really think it’s that big of a deal? I mean if The Almighty really didn’t want us eating strange apples from this one tree, don’t you think he would have told me about it, too? Why are you the keeper of all commands? The guy who goes to the grocery with a list that reads milk, eggs, and People magazine — and comes home with a box of ice cream and 8 Totino’s pizzas. We don’t even have a freezer. Or an oven. And God chooses YOU to relay this monumental command to me and the rest of the world?! Are you sure it’s this tree, the one right here in the middle?”
A: Yes, I’m sure, Eve.* And The Great One picked me to tell because you weren’t around back then. You were yet but a sparkle in his eye and a rib in my endoskeleton. I’m telling you, we will die if we eat those weird looking apples. And don’t get me started on the supermarket thing. YOU were supposed to be MY helper — and here I am, being sent to the store for you… and sometimes for feminine products. It’s not right. It’s just not the way The Big Guy intended it.
E: Well, I don’t know… this talking serpent says we won’t die if we eat the kindaish-apples. Instead we’ll just get vast amounts of knowledge. We’ll know the difference between good and evil, Adam. We’ll be like God. Think of what we could do with all that knowledge — how good we could be at TicTacToe, how well our children could perform on their ACTs. They could go to college, Adam. At good universities. On scholarship. Lord knows we can’t pay for school with fig leaves and fruit. And Cain is really interested in a career in geology; shouldn’t we encourage him to use his love of rocks for good and not evil? And how are we even supposed to know the difference between the two without eating from that tree? See, we need to, Adam. We have to.
A: Uh… Eve, I’m pretty positive we’ll die if we eat the appley fruits from that tree. The Man Upstairs said so. And, although we don’t know exactly what this word death means, I think you’ll agree that it doesn’t sound like a walk in the garden. And, besides, what do we need with more knowledge and greater intelligence? Didn’t you hear me a second ago? I used the word endoskeleton.
E: Yeah. Impressive. Now I’m going to have a bite of this apple. Do you want me to save you some?
A: I really don’t think you should, Eve. I mean it’s not like he gave us all that many rules. We’re supposed to obey only two commands: this one about the peculiar apples and that other one to multiply and fill the earth — and it’s not like the second one’s a chore! Let’s just stick to the fruit we know and are allowed and commanded to have.
E: But I want to be sophisticated. Do you want any of this bizarre apple or not? [A crunch, followed by chewing.] Mmm… delicious.
A: I really don’t think this is a good idea, Eve. But, then again, I’ve read studies about the myriad family problems associated with wives having higher levels of education than their husbands. Hand it here; I’ll have a bite.
It was on this day that the people of God first exchanged obedience for knowledge. And it’s been one of the favorite activities of Christians everywhere since then.
See also: the smart young m.div. candidate and obedience and brushing.
* Fellow blogger Matt Dabbs pointed out just yesterday in this post that Eve was not given her name until AFTER the fall. I hope you’ll forgive me this inconsistency…