not to bring a sword, but a piece

image courtesy of the journeys project


As Jesus and his disciples were preparing for battle, an argument broke out among the twelve.  It seems James and John were being greedy with weapons, as each wanted to carry more than one pistol.  There were a limited number of guns, though, and all the apostles badly wanted to pack heat.

Peter took aim, saying, “You sons of thunder should know better.  Jesus taught us to share, and you guys are being selfish.”

“Well if you shoot like you swing a sword,” James fired at him, “we’d all be better off with me carrying your piece!  Just ask Malchus.”

Wounded, Peter shot back, “Did you just say that yourself, James?  Or did you beg your mommy to do it for you?  If anyone deserves two guns, it’s me; I walked on water!”

At exactly this moment the Son of man entered the room.

“No one deserves two blasters,” explained Jesus. “Either you take one gun and share the other, or you get none and fare well, brother.  No man can serve both God and cannon.”

When Simon the Zealot heard this he became very sad, because he had many guns.

Then Jesus made Peter, James, and John to go to the front of the line… where they would be the last to get their guns.



If you liked this post, you might also enjoy one of the two series that begin here and here.


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9 Comments

Filed under modern-day retelling, slightly humorous or amusing?

9 responses to “not to bring a sword, but a piece

  1. Love your writing project. Popped over and read a few posts. I believe it was so much more like that on the real world.

  2. randy morgan

    you’re an idiot, brett. i love you.

  3. That’s funny. Do you have any others like that?

    • if by “like that” you mean where i take a well-known scripture or proverb and make a sort of rhyming cousin to it, i kind of have one other one. but it’s not religious, and is quite different. also, you’d have to be familiar with garrison keillor for it to make sense:

      lake snow-be-gone days

      but i intend to write more of them. while they serve little purpose, they entertain me — and are really fun to write…

  4. haha can’t tell if this is commentary or just humor – or BOTH!!

  5. Great satire!!! 🙂 Funny!!! 😀 The cynical part of me wonders what version in the Bible this is in, and if this is what inspired the crusades!!

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